Jesse Bru - In A Moment
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Saints Row The Third From the very start, the characters Jesse and Crendor make for themselves. Jesse is an angry old Clint Eastwood/honey badger hybrid. Crendor is...Crendor: Okay, so here's my backstory - I wanted to join the NBA but I was too big, so I had to join the Blue Man Group. But, the Blue Man Group kicked me out because I had psychological issues, so I was forced to join the circus, in which my anger problems made me, uh, combined with my psychological issues, mentally insane. So now I still wear my Blue Man Group costume, which is just blue paint, and clown makeup. Part 2 helps us find the humor in the little things, like a random NPC's face. In part 7, after about two episodes of dicking around with rival gangs while trying to buy Jesse a bathrobe:Jesse: Holy shit, what is THAT thing!Crendor: He just blocked my car!Jesse: That's because we're trying to run him over in a Prius.[...]Crendor: If you're gonna run people over, you might as well save gas.Jesse: We're not monsters. Part 9 has some profound moments while driving the streets of Steelport.Jesse: You know what I've realized You are blue, and I am red. We're like the Crips and Bloods alliance.Crendor: Or we're like Red Fish, Blue Fish.Jesse: One fish, two fish! ...It makes so much sense now. So much sense.Crendor: It's like in code.Jesse: It is, it's like the Bible Code. That's a thing, rightCrendor: We're actually related to Dr. Seuss, meaning we're gonna be millionaires.Jesse: I am related because I once got sick eating Green Eggs and Ham, so Dr. Seuss owes me some damn money. Crendor is not a very good driver.Jesse: What are you...Crendor: I'm driving.Jesse: Is that what this isCrendor: Just relax and enjoy the peace and quiet- (smash)Jesse: You've run - there's sirens, there's people screaming-Crendor: Close your eyes, and imagine yourself on a beach...Jesse: I'm on a beach.Crendor: And you're surrounded by hot naked women. But-Jesse: I'm imagining butts.Crendor: But, here comes an ugly fat guy, and he's like \"haganaagendagan!\"Jesse: ...I don't know what that means. In Part 11, Jesse starts a series-long Running Gag by mistaking a random NPC for Hitler. Crendor asks \"can we get planes\" Get planes, yes, fly planes... Reeling from a sudden onslaught of Plot, Jesse and Crendor misinterpret Kinzie's mention of \"Tea Cup.\"Crendor: Teacup. Do we need, like, code names Jesse: I don't... I'll be Banana Boy. Crendor: I'll be Grover. In part 13. Jesse & Wowcrendor get the Bear... for about fifteen seconds... Jesse & Crendor discover Insurance Fraud. Turns out when you play \"Escort\" in Co-op mode, one player drives while the other provides the... service. In Part 19, Jesse unveils his ultimate gang war vehicle. In Part 22, Crendor shows off his sweet new ride. In Part 25, the duo encounter some Artificial Atmospheric Actions that nearly force Jesse to change pants.Jesse: If you want to know what it looks like when you're drunk and you think you're being really cool, that's what it fucking looks like. In Part 27, they're doing a Guardian Angel mission, and are naturally happy that their helicopter pilot is Big Purp, but then they fail due to their incompetence. When they restart, they see that Big Purp has been replaced, causing Crendor to rage, put the controller down, and walk away. In Part 28, Jesse can't stop drifting. Let's just say a lot of Part 30. Highlights include Jesse and Crendor's flawless teamwork.Jesse: Help me, I'm being run over-Crendor: I'm running you over. Or Jesse's Public Service Announcement.Jesse: (while \"Stars and Stripes Forever\" plays) This Fourth of July, when you're at your barbeque, and you're feeling like you should be drinking, why not take vodka shots to the eyeballs Or better yet, dip your vodka in tampons. I heard on the news that if you shove it up your butt, it gets you real drunk. Part 31 starts with Jesse flopped over undead, and Crendor stuck in a bus stop. Failing the mission is a small price to pay for thwarting Corporate Hitler's evil plans. The boys desperately trying to stay \"street.\"Crendor: I'm not gonna touch anything. Except for my tea. (slurp)Jesse: Again, for street cred purposes that is not tea, but a giant bong made out of a skull.Crendor: But it smells like peach tranquility.Jesse: That's the street name for it, catch me some of that fiiine Peach Tranquility.Crendor: Mmm-hmm.Jesse: That you shoot into your eyeballs. Part 33 has Jesse and Crendor bickering Like an Old Married Couple. Crendor, diet pill spokesman. The ending of the Episode 36 during the Livestream. Jesse is AFK getting his hot pizza and leaves the camera pointing at a brick wall. What follows is Crendor's Offscreen Moment of Awesome as he runs back and forth across the screen, fighting off police and rival gang members to \"Yakety Sax.\"Crendor: How long does it take to get a pizza! HOW LONG! Part 37 opens with a little moment of Comedic Sociopathy. \"Wait, can I jump\" Part 39 has a pretty blunt assessment of their own content:(Jesse makes a detour to buy some property)Crendor: Hurry up, you're wasting everyone's time.Jesse: Wha - we have to do it eventually, we might as well do it now.Crendor: That's true.Jesse: We gave them solid hours of entertainment, now they must suffer.Crendor: That's true.Jesse: Suffer. In Part 41, Jesse has another skydiving accident. An incident at the beginning of Part 43 and challenge from Jesse resulted in this touching fan tribute video: \"In Memory of Panda Car.\" Jesse's Pre-Asskicking One-Liner when he is about to attack Killbane with a shark:Jesse: Hey Killbane, you're looking a little weak. Shark Weak! Part 44. Crendor has a chainsaw. Jesse has the Apoco-Fists. \"Let's go destroy the city.\" The Rocket Launcher of Victory.Crendor: That... that was not victory.Jesse: Victory comes in many shapes and sizes, my friend. Crendor has a jet. It goes exactly as well as their last plane ride went. Part 46 opens with Jesse riding a broomstick. Well, trying to ride a broomstick.Jesse: Oh God, oh God, why does - Harry Potter lied. Part 47, the final story mission, is a pretty good mix of Awesome and Funny. When faced with the Sadistic Choice between taking vengeance and saving gang members, Jesse decides to rescue his friends... and immediately heads off in the wrong direction, before giving up and driving into the river. Cue dramatic music accompanying him and Crendor swimming, slowly, toward shore.Jesse: See, they didn't expect this.Crendor: Yeah. Take that, game. They then put the rescue mission on hold to shop at a gun store, and Crendor gets into an argument over whether he should upgrade his sniper rifle. Storming the Castle, take one:Jesse: I'm saving our gang members, it's about friendship. That's what this game's really about, friendship, man. Friendship, and, and... buddyness. Crendor: Bags- Jesse: The Knights of Victory is really about - you didn't save any of these people! Crendor: Bags of chips. Jesse: Alright, I think I got them all- failure screen Crendor: Uh... Jesse: Did you really just die! Crendor: I may have just shot something that exploded... Jesse: ARE YOU KIDDING ME! Crendor: In my defense- Jesse: No, you have no defense on this, we were doing fine. I gave a speech about friendship! And you betrayed it! Storming the Castle, take two:Jesse: Alright, did we save everyone, are we good, we done here Crendor: Yes. (Beat) If you had to eat one bag of chips for the rest of your life- Jesse: We're saving the world! Now is not the time! Crendor: ...What kind would it be Jesse: ...Dammit. The final battle turns into an Anti-Climax Boss when Kia decides to jump off the roof. They're both completely baffled by the Bonus Level on Mars.Jesse: Pierce just died! Why did we save them all if they're gonna die-Crendor: It's just Pierce, keep going.[...]Jesse: I'm still concerned why Johnny and Shaundi are here.Crendor: Why wouldn't they beJesse: 'cause Johnny's dead!Crendor: Well, we're on Mars.Jesse: Is this Mars Johnny Jesse trying to figure things out, Crendor taking things in stride.Jesse: Shaundi's dead Wait, this, this is like a dream or something-Crendor: Wait, nope, she's back up. Wait, no, she died again.Jesse: This is a weird dream, I'm not sure what it's about, but it's a dream.Crendor: It's probably Burt Reynolds' dream. Profound moments on another planet.Crendor: Am I the first clown in space Part 49 gives us Jesse's Sad Panda voice. In Part 50, Jesse starts talking about hiring a chauffeur for himself and Crendor, and cracks a joke about women drivers. Karma does not approve.Crendor: (sarcastic clapping)Jesse: Send you angry letters to: Jesse Cox, care of Wowcrendor-(kaboom)Jesse: ...I may have blown us up. Look, look, we deserved it, let's be honest-Crendor: You deserved it.Jesse: We deserved it. Jesse puts 244 bullets to good use. Doubles as an Awesome moment.Crendor: Beautiful. Part 51 opens with a minor hoverbike accident.Jesse: WHAT JUST HAPPENED! The Lady and the Hotdog. Part 52 proves that everything we know about Jesse and Crendor's ability to fly planes also applies to alien spacecraft.Jesse: I literally just pressed \"F\" to turn on flight mode, and the ship just fell out of the sky.Crendor: \"F\" for Fail.Jesse: \"F\" for Fail. On the way, Crendor asks Jesse what his ultimate sandwich would be. several minutes later, Crendor asks for some clarifications at the worst time. \"Just fly into the building.\" Followed by Crendor singing a song about photosynthesis. In Part 52, another take on the final mission, Crendor comes up with the next hit TV show. Followed shortly by a discussion on the correct pronunciation of \"eggs.\"Jesse: WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT! It took the whole series, but the guys finally figured out how to fly airplanes! (please note that \"flying\" is distinct from \"landing\") 781b155fdc